Thursday, January 15, 2015

a shaky heart

My heart has been a little conflicted lately between being excited, nervous and sad. 
I am just so overcome with emotion.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. 
These emotions are making my head slightly foggy, causing my heart to be shaky. 
The cause of it is obvious but at times I am afraid to admit it.
In less than five days my husband will be on a flight to Japan. 
He will be gone until June 1st. 
I know it's going to take some getting used to. 
With him being gone for a few months and all. 
God is my help and He will be my strength.
But I can't shake this feeling in my heart right now. 
I never imagined all the behind-the-scene emotions that are partnered with a spouse being abroad. 
My heart holds much more compassion & understanding now, for any families that have a loved one overseas.
One of the things my husband & I have in common is that we are dreamers with adventurous hearts. 
We both desire to travel and explore the world.
Neal has had the desire of traveling to Japan longer than I've known him.
I still remember how my husbands face lit up when he first told me about his dream of studying abroad.
He is so brave to go on this journey.
Of course I was excited at the idea and for the longest time we prayed for God to open doors of opportunity.
When we got word that he had been selected for a scholarship that would cover his expenses abroad, we were beyond thrilled this dream was actually going to happen!
Our marriage has been full of leaps and new adventures.
I have felt a supernatural peace in our life during this new adventure. 
This week though, my heart has been shaken up.
The week before he leaves.
Now don't get me wrong, it sorta comes in waves.
God's peace is still present and I am so excited for this dream come true. 
But, right now I'm sharing some raw thoughts in this sweet little space of mine. 
Oh butterflies guys! 
It's really happening.
 There is no turning back. 
I desperately want this lump in my throat to be gone.
I want the knots in my tummy to dissolve.
I selfishly hope for this time to go by oh so quickly.
I am going to miss him so much it already hurts. 
We have never been apart this long. 
I love my husband. 
I adore him. 
I admire him. 
And I will always cheer him on. 
As I sit here thinking of the responsibilities I hold, I'm reminded of the sweet blessing it is to love someone this much. 
Love doesn't always look like a fairytale but it is a beautiful thing. 
More beautiful than a fairytale.

Thank you for following our journey. 
Thank you to all of our family and friends, who are loving and encouraging us during this time.